Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
