This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
