So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
