I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
