Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
