I think I won the penis lottery.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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