so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
