____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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