Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
