Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
