Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
