Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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