his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
