I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
my being single is dangerous.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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