I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize