You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
