I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
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