Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
