the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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