I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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