More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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