It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
