Don't make out with my wife yet
What did we do last night that was yellow?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
