The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
