I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
