you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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