my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
