You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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