wanna go halves on a baby?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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