All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
