happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
