Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
