Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
