He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
