somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
