I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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