Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm at about main and main street
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
