he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
