That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
