WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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