So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
