How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Dear god my vagina.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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