I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
