You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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