haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
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