Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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