why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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