my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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