You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
