I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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