Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Randomize
