so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
