I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
