Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
