Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize