tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize