Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
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