Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
