gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
