Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
