I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
