Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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