...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
