I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
