You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
