I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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